Film: What were they thinking?

People actually acted in this movie?
People actually funded this movie?
People actually wrote this script?
People actually catered to this set?
People actually... paid for this movie?

I feel sorry for you if you went to the cinema for Meet The Spartans. Let's be honest -- if Epic Movie wasn't enough epic fail, then you are the idiot who wins Australia's Funniest Home Video. Oh, hilarious, you were on a trampoline and you fell off; that's a new one!

Once you see Shrek -- once that little green baby throws up, yeah, you realise you should get your money back.

Thank Satan it's on Foxtel, or I'd never have watched this. Ten minutes in. There has been a vomit joke, a Brangelina joke, a balls joke - related to Casino Royale's torture scene - and a giant penguin.

Yeah, no. Who wrote this? Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.
Wow. I'd change my name either before or after writing this script -- that said, I'd never write this script.

Note to Friedberg and Seltzer:
- no, Carmen Electra does not have a chastity belt;
- Kevin Sorbo did not deserve this;
- vomit jokes are a great way to set the tone for a film that makes you sick to the stomach;
- gay jokes: Truly, you are on the cutting edge of comedy;
- never refer to a film like Casino Royale in a comic sense. This is not because Casino Royale is above comedy - there is a nice, subtle touch of wit from Daniel Craig. No, the fundamental reason is because Casino Royal is better than your film. Yeah. Here's an idea: make a film that sucks by every conceivable idea, and then, refer to better films within it. Just to tease the audience, to remind them that they could be spending their hour and a half in better ways.

And on that last note: I've seen enough fragments of this to know that my dog Vader produces better films all over our backyard. I might just go watch Casino Royale. Life is too short to endure this.

Oh, a Britney Spears joke? Seriously. Be funny or GTFO.